This is not an easy post to write or publish for that sake.. I feel like I’m letting everyone down, including myself. Life in Kingston is great, but I have to face the facts…:
Courses were not what I expected, nor is life here. I’m not liking it the way I thought I would! And considering the fact that I have to pay 107 500kr (11 600 pounds) in tuition fees, and that I have 138 000kr (almost 15 000 pounds) left as a study loan each year, I just don’t feel that it’s worth it. I’d rather wait until next year or whatever, when I know more concretly what I want to do with my life. And it’s not like I don’t want a higher education, because I do, but I want to make sure I make the right choice, cuz this is a lot of money we’re talking about…
Now you’re probably thinking: What, why didn’t she try longer and harder? Three weeks ain’t that long! And she’s in London for christ’s sake!
I’m just thinking that after three weeks something should’ve felt right about being here. And yes, I think it sucks ass that I didn’t like it the way I thought I would, because I’ve been looking forward to this for years actually! But I don’t see why I should put myself through this when I’m breaking myself down mentally and physically by being here. I need more time to work with myself, and I need to be stronger before I can do something like this on my own again. I love London, and everyone here has been so incredibly nice and sweet and welcoming, but sometimes it’s important to put oneself first. I am really sorry to everyone who I’ve let down by making this choice, but right now I need to follow my heart and listen to what my body needs. And as for this moment, it’s going home and be with people and surroundings that makes me stronger, instead of the opposite.
So after deep consideration I’ve chosen to go home. And even after only three weeks, I’ve had a great experience and met so many great people whom I really wish to see again someday! And hey, it’s a long life. I have like 50 more years until I have to retire, so I don’t feel that this is something I have to stress too much with!
I’ll figure it out at some point… But as for now, being safe, healthy and happy the most important thing for me. I hope everyone understands my decision, and thanks to everyone who has supported me while I’ve been here. Don’t know where I would’ve been without you. Seriously ❤